


Tears Yet Unshed, Wounds Yet Unhealed

by Beetle Brownleaf (monsterlover)



Series: I Trust You [12]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Non-Explicit Sex, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, SE won't give me Urianger having the cry he needs so I'm doing it MYSELF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22331902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterlover/pseuds/Beetle%20Brownleaf
Relationships: Urianger Augurelt/Warrior of Light
Series: I Trust You [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1519190
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	Tears Yet Unshed, Wounds Yet Unhealed

Urianger had returned for a spell from the Empty, Beetle eager to greet him at the uncharacteristically crowded launch. The booming business of the Beehive, no doubt.

“Urianger, over here, love!” she shouted, running to him as he dismounted. She had become more and more comfortable with her terms of endearment, no longer shy of the smiles and the looks from those all around them.

“My beloved,” he said, his face softening at the sight of her as he knelt down and took her into his arms.

“Ohh, my dearest, dearest Beetle,” he sighed, burying his face into her shoulder, breathing her in deep. Her sweet, wonderful scent of her filled him and soothed him down to his bones; the floral aroma of the rosewater she was so fond of wearing, and the heady, earthy smell of hearthfire, a scent that perpetually lingered upon her from her magicks. Another sigh into her skin, one of longing and relief. He held her close to him, drinking deep of the feeling of her soft body in his arms. 

“It hath been so very long.”

“That’s for sure,” she replied, “Your work in the Empty has kept you so terribly busy. Not to mention all of mine in Eulmore.”

“Indeed. There is much to tell,” he said, picking her up and taking her with him.

“Oh, Urianger!” she squealed, “I can  _ walk! _ ”

“Nay,” he said, “I wouldst carry thee in mine arms. Pray allow me this.”

Beetle relented with an embarrassed groan, curling into his neck as he carried her to her room in the Pendants.

* * *

“Ahh,” she said, stretching as she walked inside, “So. What do you want to do today?”

Urianger took in a long, deep breath.

“If I am to be honest, I fain wouldst simply lie with thee,” he said, walking over to the bed, “Come.”

Beetle smiled, slipping off her shoes and shedding anything else cumbersome as she sat on the downy mattress. Urianger followed suit, placing his removed jewelry onto the end table, and carefully removing the outer layer of his robe.

They very easily fell into place in each other’s arms, Urianger giving a soft groan as she affectionately scratched at his stubble, then yawning as he settled his head into the pillow.

“Mm, do you want to nap? You seem tired,” she said, with her own yawn. 

“I am not… against the idea,” he said, eyes closing, nose brushing against her own.

She giggled, pulling the blanket up over them, with his help. They kissed gently and curled up against each other, both sighing contentedly.

* * *

Hazy visions began to bloom within Urianger’s mind as he drifted to sleep, and when he had regained some small semblance of awareness, he found himself submerged in a black, lightless sea, cold as the grave. Images slowly appeared before him, with echoing voices. He did not comprehend them, initially, but the closet he drifted, the clearer they became.

Louisoix, eyes sad and deep, head hung low.

Moenbryda, holding auracite in her hands, tears falling down her cheeks.

Minfilia, eyes glazed crystal blue, arms outstretched, lips parted and frowning.

Alisaie, glaring at him, conflict in her misty eyes.

The Exarch, extending a hand to him, sheepish contrition painted on his face.

And lastly, Beetle, his beloved - floating before him, limp and lifeless.

He reached for her, swam as hard as he could towards her, and when he came close, she sprung to life, face suddenly warped in a horrifying manner, crying loud, terrible shrieks of agony.

_ All you do is lie to me! Pain and sorrow are all you bring!  _

He reached for her desperately, and she recoiled from his arms.

_ Don't touch me! Leave me! LEAVE ME! _

He opened his mouth to reason with her, but her cries grew louder, more alien, more unhinged. He took in a breath, but the water suddenly filled him completely, and he choked and struggled.

_ I despise you! Leave me! LEAVE ME AND NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN! _

Deeper and deeper he fell, drowning, his arms finding no purchase.

He awoke with a gasp, his eyes blinking rapidly, and he rose from the bed, only to accidentally rouse her.

"Mm, what is it?" Beetle asked, rubbing her eyes as she, too, rose.

His eyes darted to her, and he immediately attempted to compose himself.

“Tis nothing,” he quickly reassured.

Beetle looked at him incredulously, noting the way his chest rose and fell, how his lips trembled, the sweat pricking at his forehead.. He looked  _ petrified _ , clearly having dreamt of something truly awful.

“Come on now,” she said, gently nudging him, “Don’t lie to me.”

His eyes widened, a cracking sound coming from the back of his throat. His face immediately twisted with sorrow, and his hand lingered beneath his chin as tears began to form in his eyes.

Beetle's stomach sank, realizing what she'd said.

"Urianger, oh gods, I didn't mean---"

His hand now grasped around his mouth, as his breath hitched, and he shook with soft cries.

"Urianger, I didn't mean it like that, please don't cry," Beetle said, hand running up his back.

He shook his head, sending tears flying across the bed.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," Beetle asked, panicked, hooking around his arm.

His hand released his face and he began to cry in earnest, his sobs now wracking through his entire body. His vision blurred completely as tears spilled from his eyes. Like a broken dam, his emotions were bursting through, years of unspoken pain and sorrow pouring out from his heart.

“Beetle… I…” he managed, before taking in an undignified, shuddering gasp, “I cannot bear it any longer...”

He wiped at his face, sniffling as his chest rose and fell sharply with every heaving breath.

“Urianger, what--”

“I cannot bear it,” he repeated, tearfully “My failures… my sins… my lies - my  _ gods-damned _ lies!”

Beetle pulled on his arm, and he collapsed completely, laying his head in her lap.

“Hush, hush now,” she said, stroking his hair, “Urianger, I have told you about a dozen times before, I forgive y--”

“Nay.  _ Nay _ ,” he insisted, “Doth thou knowest not what a dagger thy words are to my heart? I deserveth not thy forgiveness…” 

He gently pounded his fist on the bed, his tears staining her skirt.

“I doth not…  _ I doth not… _ ”

“Urianger,” Beetle gently admonished, her own tears beginning to form, “Please. Please be kinder to yourself. I cannot stand to see you this way.”

“I… I wish I couldst look upon myself as thee,” he weakly said, “Oh gods… Master Louisoix… Moenbryda…  _ Minfilia _ ... how my breast aches for thee...”

“Ohh, my love,” Beetle sighed, wiping his tears.

“I hath _ failed  _ them,” he hissed, “Upon my shoulders, the task was placed… to protect… to preserve… to save… and, instead, I hath sown the seeds of… deception… of  _ death _ .”

“No, no! They would be so proud of you, I know it!”

He shook his head violently, another gasp as he attempted to breathe through his tears.

“Nay. I failed to stress the dire importance of the Calamity to others… I failed… to protect Moenbryda… and Minfilia… oh gods,” he said, bringing his hands up to his face, as his sobbing grew louder, “My hands art stained with her blood!”

Beetle’s mouth fell open, and she looked away, hesitating. He whined miserably.

“It is plain upon thy visage! Thou findeth me at fault as well.”

Beetle sighed, biting her lip.

“Urianger… that… it wasn’t your  _ fault,  _ it was just… it was what was supposed to happen,” she said, struggling with the words, “As hard as it is for me to accept that… I know you were doing what was best for all. It needed to happen.”

He sobbed harder into his hands, not bothering to stifle the undignified sniffling and gasping.

“It doth not make it any lighter a burden to bear,” he said, “And it doth not grant me the forgiveness of which thou thinkest me worthy. To say naught of what other deceptions I hath committed!”

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you, Urianger," she said, almost exasperated, " _ I forgive you. _ "

He made another miserable noise, turning further on his side, curling around her. He continued to cry and cry, Beetle cradling him as his sobs shook all throughout him.

"Hush now," she comforted, "Don't think, just let it out."

"Moenbryda, oh Moenbryda," Urianger sobbed, "Louisoix… Minfilia…”

A rather undignified sniffle.

“Beetle - oh, gods!"

She stayed quiet, allowing him to work through his emotions.

"Beetle, my heart, how it aches, how it aches…"

His words grew weak as he gave himself over to his heartbroken cries.

"I know, my love, I know," she whispered, her own tears falling down upon him. 

“I deserveth not… thy trust… thy forgiveness,” he sobbed against her.

“I don’t care. You will have it anyways,” she softly insisted.

He made a choked, high pitched noise, burying himself further into her skirt. 

“Oh, beloved! Wherefore dost thou deem me worthy of thine affections?”

“Hush, hush,” she said again, soothing him.

His cries continued, picking up every now and then, until at last, evening began to fall, and he with it, his body curled all around her.

Beetle bent to give his temple a kiss, and rose to better tuck him in.

Suddenly, she felt his hand grasp her arm.

“Urianger?” 

He sat up to meet her, looking at her with exhausted eyes.

“Touch me,” he breathed, “I beg of thee, touch me. I… I  _ need _ \--”

The hasty kiss she gave him was her answer. He sighed deeply into her mouth, voice crackling at the ends, so worn away from his cries. Her hands swept over his collarbones, down his chest, and he reached his own underneath her camise, palming her back, his slender fingers raking gently across her skin.

He was so weak, but his passionate desire to be touched burned hotter than his exhaustion. Beetle gently bade him sit against the the headboard, and he did so as she unclothed him. She kissed all over him, running her fingers everywhere, making sure her touch lovingly lingered over his skin. They kissed again, with a desperate fervor, and all faded as body moved with body.

Beetle had yet to truly take the lead during their intimate moments, and Urianger found it wonderful, to be able to feel the love she poured into every touch, every kiss. Her hands rested on his shoulders as she moved against him, face buried into his neck. 

“I love thee.”

She did not answer, so deeply involved was she in her ministrations, but she nodded against his skin. Longer still, she would continue atop him, until at last they both reached their peak together. 

Urianger wrapped his arms around Beetle, his fingers carding through her hair, lips pressed to her forehead.

"My beloved, my beloved,” he whispered, rocking her in his arms.

“I… hope you enjoyed that,” she breathed, chest heaving, “...because I will not be doing it again any time very soon.”

They both weakly laughed, and settled back into bed.

* * *

By the time they awoke, it was the middle of the night. 

“Sweet Matron, our sleep is all topsy-turvy now,” Beetle said, with a sudden, loud noise from her stomach.

“Damn, and now I’m starving,” she said, “Where are we even going to eat? It’s---”

She fumbled around for her bag, taking out a pocket watch from inside.

“---three in the morning.”

Urianger stretched as he rose from the bed.

“There is bread and cheese in my satchel; that, along with the apples laid out upon the table, shouldst suffice. Until the morn, that is.”

Beetle nodded, stumbling about the room for her clothes. She stopped before the dresser to fix her hair as Urianger placed the food on the table.

“Ah, it shall be no feast fit for a king,” he jested, “The bread is quite small for only two.”

“Oh hush, hush. It’s my fault for not letting Am’ii send me back with more pastries, despite her insisting,” she said, looking down at her belly, “Tch! Although I don’t believe I need any more of those.”

“Beloved,” Urianger chastised, “How oft must I remind thee? Thou art so very beautiful. No matter thy body's… roundness.”

“ _ Roundness? _ Oh, isn’t that just what every lass wants to hear,” she teased, slicing off some cheese.

Urianger gave a soundless laugh, shrugging.

“I am fatigued. I speaketh not in perfect clarity.”

“Hah, indeed.”

The room was quiet, save for the sounds of birds and all manner of creature outside. Beetle ate rather absent-mindedly, eyes still unfocused and half-lidded from grogginess. Urianger lazily palmed the top of her head, ruffling her hair with affection, to which she responded with a small sigh.

"I love you, Urianger.”

His beaming smile spread across his face softly.

“I love thee as well, Beetle,” he said, “I…”

He took in a breath, voice breaking with the threat of tears. He slid off his stool, kneeling before her, taking her hand within his.

“...I hath never been so able to act so utterly as myself around anyone, in a very, very long time. Thine acceptance, thy love… hath healed my soul in a way naught else can. I gave my heart unto thee, and thou hast returned it in a better state than before.”

Beetle leaned down and pulled him into a kiss, their lips locking together sweetly.

“You can always be yourself around me, Urianger,” she said, “I love you for who you are, and everything that you are.”

Urianger picked her up in his arms.

“Come. Lie with me until the morn.”

Beetle buried her head in his neck, nodding and sighing contentedly.


End file.
